Bad Boys and Women: Why We Want What We Shouldn’t



Bad Boys and Women: Why We Want What We Shouldn’t
By Cali Estes, The Addictions Coach

Bad boys


Convicted Felon Jeremy Meeks, age 30 is seen by some 64,000 women that are infatuated with his mugshot on facebook and felt the need to ‘like’ is picture. No, for the record I was not one of them. What attracts women to this type of man? For centuries “nice men” have wondered what the allure to ‘a bad boy’ could be and why women are so fascinated with them. Here is why:

1. Women want to change and ‘fix’ the broken bad boy. Somehow they think that they can turn his behavior around and take him to church, reform him if you will and this gives them a sense of accomplishment and purpose in their lives.

2. Women like the allure of the underworld and having a bad boy boyfriend can make them feel alive. He does things she would never do, but can admire from afar. The thought of him committing crimes in the dark of night is exciting, until he cheats on her and she is devastated (like she never saw this coming)

3. Women want to be the Caretaker for the bad boy. They want to be able to assist him and that in turn makes them feel needed and wanted.

4. Women think because he is behind bars he is not cheating and is loyal to her. In fact, he is loyal to anyone that will send him cash for commissary, male or female.

5. Women want the guy that everyone else wants. Now others want what they have and they can show him off, like a trophy.

The interesting piece here is how this sudden rise to ‘felon fame’ will affect Jeremy Meeks and his gang-related activities. Now that he is ‘high profile’ will he become a target or will he simply carry on with his day?

Cali Estes
The Addictions Coach

ASK THE EXPERT: The Addictions Coach Answers Your Questions

QUESTION:  As an addiction professional don’t you think it is important if your client has committed a crime to make them pay for it?  As in they stole something to get high and got caught and need to go to jail to learn a lesson?  ~ submitted by Jay S. Newark, NJ

Cali Says:  Sometimes, but not all the time.  If a client will be severely penalized for a small crime, then I do not think it is necessary to go that route. For example, if a financial advisor will lose his license because he stole a few hundred dollars from a client, then no I do not think it is necessary to ruin his career over a small amount like that, unless it is a habitual behavior with no consequences.  I had a client that kept getting out of trouble with the law because his father was a judge. The client crashed several cars, stole things, burglarized homes and never had consequences, so he kept doing the behavior.  In a case like that, jail time is necessary for the person to stop the behavior and realize that they will not always be taken care of when they do something wrong. It is imperative to send a message at that point.