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Addiction Enabled: 3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death Part 3

Addiction Enabled:

3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death

Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 in our 3 part series on how to know if you are enabling or loving your addict to death.

Sign 3 – You both wear a mask of denial:

coddling

Denial is the enemy of the truth. You KNOW that what I’ve talked about is a spittin’ image of your current situation, but you don’t like to admit it. You’d rather feel better and hope that your loved one will eventually just straighten out. Well, when they are in denial about their problem, as with most addicts and alcoholics in the thick of it are, and you are as well, this brings nothing but a negative outcome on both ends.

Imagine: Your daughter asks you for “food money” and you give her $100 and tell her to be careful, the rest of the money is for emergencies only. This in itself can be an emergency situation. She leaves, you worry yourself to death, wondering if she will live for another night, because you know what she’s doing, and you just supported the hell out of it. You are officially enabling her to death. Every time she goes out, it’s with your money. IF she comes back, it’s to your home. She has no worries except how easily she can get her next fix, paid for by you. You love her and want the best for her.

She is addicted to drugs and you are addicted to her.

My point is with all this: Not only to watch your own back but look out for your loved ones too. Don’t feed their addiction, don’t coddle them, don’t accept lies and excuses. Don’t feed their toxicity with more toxicity. Give them a very short time to get their shit together and get help, or make them leave your house. The results of tough love can be far less painful than the eulogy you may be writing if you don’t stop giving into someone else’s addiction.

If you want help and peace of mind, please call us at 800 706 0318 ext 1 and let us help you deal with the issues. You are not alone. Visit The Addictions Coach to see our full array of services to help you help them. Visit The Addictions Academy if  you are interested in being trained as a Nationally Certified Family Recovery Coach or Nationally Certified Recovery Coach.

Addiction Enabled: 3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death PART 2

Addiction Enabled:

3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death

Part 2

WELCOME TO PART 2 IN OUR SERIES

 

Are you the enabling mother, father, or husband or wife and you just want to help but seem to make it worse? We understand….read on and we can help you.enabling

Sign 2 – The addict lives with you, and isn’t trying to work their way into a place of their own:

Your kid or even your sister or brother, a grown adult, needs a place to stay because of whatever circumstances may have come into play. So, you let them stay with you, with the promise that they will get a job super-fast, help around the house, and keep good company. 3 days later, you have not seen them for 3 days and they have not cleaned up after himself/herself. You may even find beer bottles or needles, other paraphernalia in their room (your living room). But you clean it up and let them come back whenever they will. They are not looking for a job, but you keep taking their excuses and hoping for the best. You cannot just hope someone will get better.

They may even admit it and say they want help; they ask you just to let them stay with you until they can find help. Well, even though you cannot do everything for someone, especially what they can do for themselves, this is where you cut off the excuses and bullshit, discard it, and put something into action. You get phone numbers to treatment centers or coaches, counselors, whatever might help. Then you discuss the situation and start putting together a plan. You tell this person that they call these places, get into the program, even an intervention for starts. If they don’t accept the help, they leave. It’s hard, yes.

But if you keep allowing any addict to take advantage of a couch, a fridge, a TV, and a shower, you’re enabling them. You’re potentially enabling their death by making things easy for them, so they don’t even feel the need to get help, or so much as evaluating what they are doing with their body, with their life, with YOUR LIFE. It’s the help they can take it or leave it. The most important thing you can do in this matter is to stand your ground and keep your word. No more free ride.

This is where my job as a Family Recovery Coach comes into play. I am able to discuss their addiction with them and you as a unit. We set boundaries, we set rules and we stick to them. We literally force their only hand, which is helpful, and as a Certified Family Recovery Coach, I can help you, the family unit through the entire process.

When you deal with failure to launch, or addiction treatment issues, you want a trained professional to assess the situation, make suggestions, and most importantly get action. You need RESULTS and we get them. Check out The Addictions Coach  and if you are looking to get certified as a Nationally Certified Family Coach or Nationally Certified Recovery Coach or call us at 1.800.706.0318 ext 2

Addiction Enabled: 3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death Part 1

Addiction Enabled:

3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death

Part 1

 loved one

 

This is a tough one. People die left and right of overdose from multiple controlled substances, alcohol poisoning, and many other forms of death tied to the drug world, including violence. It’s not such a predictable realm as most would think. I mean to some extent; you know for the most part that bad things can happen when you’re into bad things.

Enjoy this THREE-PART SERIES

As a FAMILY RECOVERY COACH and a failure to launch expert, I get asked all the time if I think that a family member is simply supporting the addict or literally killing them. This is a very tough call and conversation to have because most of the time, it is the latter.

So, how do you know if you are helping, or killing your loved one, if you’re supporting their drug habit or being lied to? Here are a few signs that you might be an enabler, and your loved one might be taking advantage of you in order to keep their drug of choice flowing through their body. Let’s take a look at some of these.

Sign 1 – They keep asking for money, and you keep giving it to them

In this case, we’re talking addiction. Either way, giving someone what they want all the time usually isn’t healthy, unless it’s your occupation. So, let’s stick to the subject and say your son or daughter gets money from you whenever they want. You ask what it’s for, they say it’s for food, gas, or even tell you not to worry about it. For one, it’s definitely your business where your money is going. For two, if they live with you, it’s also your business what and who they are potentially bringing into your home. It’s also your business whether or not they are in danger. Take this scenario into great consideration: Your kid asks you for $50. They tell you they’re using it to get gas and go out to eat. But you know they are lying. You know they get high or drunk off the money you hand them. But you give it to them anyway. 24 hours later, you get that call that every parent fears more than anything. They’re in the hospital in critical condition or have died from an overdose or a drunken car crash. These situations are unpredictable. But there are also many things that could possibly avoid such tragic results from becoming a reality. Stop giving them money, for one. If they say it’s for gas or food, and you insist on helping them, pump the gas. Purchase the food. Even if it keeps them from going out and getting high for 1 night, even 1 hour, it’s possible that the situation might end differently, and give you a chance to talk to your loved one about getting help. If you stop the cash flow, you stop financially supporting the addiction from your end.

As a Nationally Certified Family Recovery Coach, I tell my families all the time that sometimes you need to say ‘NO’. Parents want their kids to be happy, they want them to do well and be successful. However, giving them everything they want can be costly. Failure to launch clients will always ask for money, never want to work, and ‘always be waiting on the call for an interview’. They just never seem to get it together. Does any of this sound familiar to you yet?

If it does, we are here for you. Please check out FixFailure2Launch and The Addictions Coach or if you want to become certified as a Nationally Certified Family Recovery Coach or Nationally Certified Recovery Coach.

Call our elite team at 1.800.706.0318