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Addiction Enabled: 3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death PART 2

Addiction Enabled:

3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death

Part 2

WELCOME TO PART 2 IN OUR SERIES

 

Are you the enabling mother, father, or husband or wife and you just want to help but seem to make it worse? We understand….read on and we can help you.enabling

Sign 2 – The addict lives with you, and isn’t trying to work their way into a place of their own:

Your kid or even your sister or brother, a grown adult, needs a place to stay because of whatever circumstances may have come into play. So, you let them stay with you, with the promise that they will get a job super-fast, help around the house, and keep good company. 3 days later, you have not seen them for 3 days and they have not cleaned up after himself/herself. You may even find beer bottles or needles, other paraphernalia in their room (your living room). But you clean it up and let them come back whenever they will. They are not looking for a job, but you keep taking their excuses and hoping for the best. You cannot just hope someone will get better.

They may even admit it and say they want help; they ask you just to let them stay with you until they can find help. Well, even though you cannot do everything for someone, especially what they can do for themselves, this is where you cut off the excuses and bullshit, discard it, and put something into action. You get phone numbers to treatment centers or coaches, counselors, whatever might help. Then you discuss the situation and start putting together a plan. You tell this person that they call these places, get into the program, even an intervention for starts. If they don’t accept the help, they leave. It’s hard, yes.

But if you keep allowing any addict to take advantage of a couch, a fridge, a TV, and a shower, you’re enabling them. You’re potentially enabling their death by making things easy for them, so they don’t even feel the need to get help, or so much as evaluating what they are doing with their body, with their life, with YOUR LIFE. It’s the help they can take it or leave it. The most important thing you can do in this matter is to stand your ground and keep your word. No more free ride.

This is where my job as a Family Recovery Coach comes into play. I am able to discuss their addiction with them and you as a unit. We set boundaries, we set rules and we stick to them. We literally force their only hand, which is helpful, and as a Certified Family Recovery Coach, I can help you, the family unit through the entire process.

When you deal with failure to launch, or addiction treatment issues, you want a trained professional to assess the situation, make suggestions, and most importantly get action. You need RESULTS and we get them. Check out The Addictions Coach  and if you are looking to get certified as a Nationally Certified Family Coach or Nationally Certified Recovery Coach or call us at 1.800.706.0318 ext 2

Addiction Enabled: 3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death Part 1

Addiction Enabled:

3 Signs you are Coddling Your Loved One To Death

Part 1

 loved one

 

This is a tough one. People die left and right of overdose from multiple controlled substances, alcohol poisoning, and many other forms of death tied to the drug world, including violence. It’s not such a predictable realm as most would think. I mean to some extent; you know for the most part that bad things can happen when you’re into bad things.

Enjoy this THREE-PART SERIES

As a FAMILY RECOVERY COACH and a failure to launch expert, I get asked all the time if I think that a family member is simply supporting the addict or literally killing them. This is a very tough call and conversation to have because most of the time, it is the latter.

So, how do you know if you are helping, or killing your loved one, if you’re supporting their drug habit or being lied to? Here are a few signs that you might be an enabler, and your loved one might be taking advantage of you in order to keep their drug of choice flowing through their body. Let’s take a look at some of these.

Sign 1 – They keep asking for money, and you keep giving it to them

In this case, we’re talking addiction. Either way, giving someone what they want all the time usually isn’t healthy, unless it’s your occupation. So, let’s stick to the subject and say your son or daughter gets money from you whenever they want. You ask what it’s for, they say it’s for food, gas, or even tell you not to worry about it. For one, it’s definitely your business where your money is going. For two, if they live with you, it’s also your business what and who they are potentially bringing into your home. It’s also your business whether or not they are in danger. Take this scenario into great consideration: Your kid asks you for $50. They tell you they’re using it to get gas and go out to eat. But you know they are lying. You know they get high or drunk off the money you hand them. But you give it to them anyway. 24 hours later, you get that call that every parent fears more than anything. They’re in the hospital in critical condition or have died from an overdose or a drunken car crash. These situations are unpredictable. But there are also many things that could possibly avoid such tragic results from becoming a reality. Stop giving them money, for one. If they say it’s for gas or food, and you insist on helping them, pump the gas. Purchase the food. Even if it keeps them from going out and getting high for 1 night, even 1 hour, it’s possible that the situation might end differently, and give you a chance to talk to your loved one about getting help. If you stop the cash flow, you stop financially supporting the addiction from your end.

As a Nationally Certified Family Recovery Coach, I tell my families all the time that sometimes you need to say ‘NO’. Parents want their kids to be happy, they want them to do well and be successful. However, giving them everything they want can be costly. Failure to launch clients will always ask for money, never want to work, and ‘always be waiting on the call for an interview’. They just never seem to get it together. Does any of this sound familiar to you yet?

If it does, we are here for you. Please check out FixFailure2Launch and The Addictions Coach or if you want to become certified as a Nationally Certified Family Recovery Coach or Nationally Certified Recovery Coach.

Call our elite team at 1.800.706.0318

Reviews of The Addictions Academy

Reviews of The Addictions Academy

“I thought the Family Recovery Coach class would be a breeze as I had experience working with so many populations dealing with substance abuse issues. I had interacted with people in active addiction, people in recovery, parents of children in active addiction and, sadly, children of parents who were addicted. I thought I had all of their perspectives and just needed the “stamp” of certification when I began the class with Katie. What I found out was that I could be a part of the problem and could make matters worse for families. I was an enabler because I had spent a lifetime being a fixer!
I grew up in a family with substance abuse and domestic violence issues and was the oldest of seven kids. Most of my waking moments were spent on hyper alert guard about anything that would trigger parental rage or substance use. My immediate response was always to fix the situation which often consisted of me helping siblings hide behaviors or getting them out of trouble. I then spent a lifetime trying to “fix” situations which gained me a great reputation in all of my career endeavors. I thought I knew it all and coaching others would be a breeze.

Imagine then, my shock and temporary humiliation at the silence from Katie and other classmates at the end of my role-playing with parents who were trying to cope with their child’s addiction issues. Time after time, I realized I was not taking the role of helping parents move forward with their own lives but trying to make it better by helping them try to fix their own kids. Katie had to continually (but gently) remind me that the parent was the client that I was trying to “fix” the addict. It was an enormous paradigm shift for me to learn that the purpose might be to simply help the parents cope with the situation as it was and to not try to offer them ways to fix their child or offer them false hope. I realized the harm I could do by teaching the parents how to fix their child or the situation instead of being supportive and aware of their needs.
So I realized that the role of a Family Recovery Coach is to not teach them to be an enabler as I had been for so much of my life. I am sure I will need constant self-reminders as I transition from being a fixer to being a supportive coach. I am looking forward to the challenge.”

Dee Ryan, Family Coach

Reviews of The Addictions Academy

The intervention training was informative and practical. Interventions can be a very intimidating service, even the most experienced clinician may find themselves at a loss for words, Dr. Estes gave my team the confidence and skills they will need in real-life intervention scenarios. Dr. Estes was easy to work with and the training itself was actually a lot of fun. Thank you so much!

Rob Archuleta MS, CACIII Director of ICM and Offender Services.
Crossroads Turning Points, INC

“I have to tell your training and supervision supersedes our other experience from another modality by leaps and bounds.”

Kelly Chambliss, Whole Families Intervention

Reviews of The Addictions Academy

“Dr. Cali is amazing.  The webinar I took with The Addictions Academy was fantastic.  It was very informative and made learning the course materials fun.  I would suggest anyone working in the field of substance abuse to take a class with Dr. Cali. ”

Louis Hrabar Jr. Director of Marketing
Harmony Hills